Searching for grace

Sam’s heart thundered; his ears screamed; his eyes pounded uncontrollably. This was it; the end. Why him? Judgement was looming; he could feel it. He continued the slow, inevitable turn towards God. Anarchy engulfed him; his end was near. He was spinning; falling; dying.

“Why me?”

He was afraid; terrified; and there was no escape. After an eternity had passed, he finally completed his rotation. He stood in darkness; eyes clenched; jaw locked. Defiant yet conquered, he awaited his fate. God could feel Sam’s anguish; his blind, unnecessary anguish. If Sam could only see God, he wouldn’t remain so tormented; he wouldn’t hide; he wouldn’t fear.

From across the room, Sam heard the voice of God call out to him once more, “Don’t you want to open your eyes?” Sam pondered the question; did he want his eyes to be opened? His mind shouted a resounding ‘yes’, but fear had already taken him hostage, so he answered, “I can’t” Sam continued, “I’m terrified”, his words crumbling as they collided with the air, “I’m ashamed”. God looked at him and loved him; he replied with all honesty, “You don’t have to feel ashamed”

Sam could hear God drawing closer to him. The violent man in him was outraged; the child in him rejoiced. God continued to make his way closer to Sam until he stood directly before him; he leaned over and softly whispered, “It OK Sam, you can open your eyes, I’m not here to judge you; I’m here to help you.” And with those words God gently placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder.

In that moment, without contest or resistance, the war that was raging within Sam ceased. Suddenly there was silence; absolute silence; beautiful, glorious silence. His heart became still; his ears quietened; his eyes reborn. How could so much change within him with just one touch?

Sam felt like a new person. He felt unashamed; he felt alive. He opened his eyes and, staring into the face of God for the first time, smiled as he blurted out “You don’t look anything like I imagined.” God smirked; he heard that all the time. (Continue reading)