Today I decided to start an online novel. The story will be about an ex-pastor and his journey out of the institutional church in order to rediscover his relationship with Jesus and make sense of all the questions he has been asking about his faith, religion, and the grace of God. I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to add your thoughts in the comment section, as it will help in adding questions and themes that I can address through the novel. – Mick
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Searching For Grace: A Novel
Introduction
My world is falling apart, one question at a time. I am a shadow of the man I once was, but, somehow, a stand taller at the same time. My strength fails me. My prayers are no longer given to my Maker upon my knees, but upon my pillow, exhausted by a sorrow I don’t understand. I am weak. This is no longer a theological statement I use as some kind of mantra. This is my life. I understand now just how true it is. I fail. I lose. I feel hopeless even with all the knowledge of salvation and a great God within me. I’m weak, but I am also honest, and it is honesty that keeps me moving.
While I can not produce the fruit of the Spirit as evidence of my walk with God, and I struggle as to why God has not shared his joy with me for so long, I do take comfort in the way I resemble the DNA of the Divine. For God defines himself as the truth, and the truth is all I have left to identify with. I’m more honest than I’ve ever been, and that makes me stand, despite all the weaknesses that weigh me down, taller than my former self.
Questions are dangerous. Far more dangerous than anyone realises. They are double edged, cutting both ways. If you ask a question, you not only have to accept the truth you find through them, but also confront the lies you have believed for so long. I was never afraid of discovering the truth, but I now realise how frightening it is to face the lies I’ve been deceived by.
Here I am, a man who spent his whole life being supported by people to be a pastor, only to question myself out of a job. Out of an identity that held me up for so long. Now I walk a road with no signposts, only a lamp upon my feet.
Funny how I never really noticed that lamp before now. I guess now that all else has been removed, it’s the only thing my eyes yearn for. So here I walk, worn out by religion, a ex-pastor on a spiritual journey, searching for grace.
(I plan on updating the story a few times a week on my blog. Hope you enjoy following along. – Mick)
Really enjoyed this intro. You have a unique gift with words painting a picture from the heart. Blessings!
Thanks Valerie, hope you keep on the journey with us as the book unfolds.
“My prayers are no longer given to my Maker upon my knees, but upon my pillow, exhausted by a sorrow I don’t understand.” This was me a few years ago … broken by my perception that all that I knew to be true wasn’t working for me. All I could see was my failure to be what I wanted to be for the Lord. My most spoken comment was “I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist.” Then I discovered Grace … real Grace. I’m interested to see where the story goes. :}
“My most spoken comment was “I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist.” Then I discovered Grace … real Grace.”
Do you mind if I incorporate that into the Novel?
Been there and done that! After 25 yers of ministry those questions did me in. Seven years later, I wouldn’t trade what I have now for any ministry position (or paycheck) in the world. I look forward to your novel!
Feel free to share some of your thoughts/experience in the comments section or email me, as it will help me to construct my main character and the other characters, as well as figure out where the story should go.
Mick,
Sounds rather familiar so far, so I’ll have to continue reading. Hope you identify th3e scoundrel who’s been talking about me.
Hi Mick,
So excited to join you on this journey. Looking forward to reading the insights you have gained. Thanks for sharing!
~Belinda
Hello Mick,
I’m hooked as well from the intro. Can’t wait to read more
Have a great day!
Glad you’re on the journey with us Sharon
Wow! You’ve already hooked me with your intro! The one statement the gave me a “Stand Up” in my heart was: For God defines himself as the truth, and the truth is all I have left to identify with. I’m more honest than I’ve ever been, and that makes me stand, despite all the weaknesses that weigh me down, taller than my former self. I’m looking forward to the unfolding of the journey…bless you!
Glad you liked the intro Darlene. I’m looking forward to seeing how the story unfolds as well.
I like what you said about questions. I have been finding this out myself.
You’ll enjoy reading along then Ma
I think it’s a journey a lot of people are on.
Hey Mick,
I’ve loved reading your ‘Searching for Grace’ Blog updates as well as your recent Comic book. As soon as it arrived here in New Zealand – I read it from cover to cover. You are definitely not the only one in the journey you are traveling at the moment – some friends and I have traveled a similar path over the last 3 years. A book that I really related to was, “So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore” – have you read it? If not, you may relate to it as well.
One of my all-time fav verses is Romans 12:2 where it talks about transformation happening brain first. It seems ironic that the more we learn to think….the less we like church as it currently is known. Some friends and I have recently started painting our own picture and understanding of ‘church’. We get together every week for dinner and what we like to call “A Chat About Life”.
All the best in your next steps in your faith journey! I bet you’ll connect more with God than ever because you have dared to be different and have stepped ‘outta that boat’ in faith’.
Gem
Hi Gemma, glad to hear a little of your journey; you church community sounds like a great place to hang out. I have read ‘So you don’t want to go to church anymore’, it’s a great book. I actually interviewed Wayne Jacobson, one of the authors, about it, as well as his views of the church and the gospel. (You can find it in the sidebar under interviews)
Glad you enjoyed my comic book and my blog. Feel free to add your thoughts and ideas regarding this online novel as it develops too
What an intriguing beginning! I wish I could wait and read more when your novel is complete, but I am too captivated to wait, and will certainly be checking back often for more.
Thank you Mick, you are always blessing me with something…from the day I opened my amazon pkg with your book until today!
Thanks Lexi, glad you liked the intro. I’m not sure where the story will go myself, but that will be part of the fun in writing and reading it.
Glad to hear you’ve got a copy of one of my other books too